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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: BOSS: 'You're an hour late! Where have you been?' CLERK: […]

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:44:34 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger BOSS: 'You're an hour late! Where have you been?'
CLERK: 'Having my hair cut.'
BOSS: 'What! On company time?'
CLERK: 'Well, it grew on company time.'
BOSS: 'It didn't all grow on company time!'
CLERK: 'Well, I didn't have it all cut off.'

Reference:- http://www.boredstupid.com/boss_jokes/after_the_bosses_job.shtml

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: The boss was giving a pep talk to the latest recruit to the […]

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 10:02:45 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger The boss was giving a pep talk to the latest recruit to the office staff. 'I run a tight ship here,' he said. 'I want men who are efficient, conscientious and hard-working.'
'Well, sir,' said the new recruit, 'I think you'll find I always give of my very best at all times.'
'That's what everyone says when they start,' said the boss. 'But how long will you continue to do your best?'
'I suppose,' said the new man, 'until I've got your job.'

Reference:- http://www.boredstupid.com/boss_jokes/after_the_bosses_job.shtml

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need […]

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 04:54:42 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Reference:- http://www.thisismyindia.com/entertainment/jokes/management.html

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Personal Manager to New job applicant: "Why did your […]

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 05:57:10 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Personal Manager to New job applicant: "Why did your manager fire you?"
"Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? " the young appicant replied.
"Yes, but why did he fire you?"

"He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!"

Reference:- http://www.thisismyindia.com/entertainment/jokes/management.html

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: FIRST BUSINESSMAN: 'I really can't understand why your […]

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 04:44:49 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger FIRST BUSINESSMAN: 'I really can't understand why your business failed.'

SECOND BUSINESSMAN: Too much advertising.'

FIRST BUSINESSMAN: 'Oh, come on - you never spent a penny on advertising.'

SECOND BUSINESSMAN: 'No - but my competitors did.'

Reference:- http://www.boredstupid.com/boss_jokes/failed_business.shtml

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: JOB APPLICANT: 'I'd like to accept the post, sir, but the […]

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 05:50:05 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger JOB APPLICANT: 'I'd like to accept the post, sir, but the last place I worked for paid me a much higher salary.'

BOSS: 'But they didn't have a generous pension scheme like us, did they?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Oh, yes - in fact it was much more generous.'

BOSS: 'And bonus payments and overtime?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Certainly.'

BOSS: 'And six weeks' paid holiday a year?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Yes.'

BOSS: 'Then why on earth did you leave?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'They went bankrupt.'

Reference:- http://www.boredstupid.com/boss_jokes/ideal_job.shtml

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Describe professions 1) MARKETING - You are ambitious […]

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 06:05:10 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Describe professions

1) MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2)SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centred and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3)TECHNOLOGY - Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4)ACCOUNTING - The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
5)HUMAN RESOURCES - Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
6)CONSULTANT - Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

Reference:- http://www.allfreejokes.com/office-jokes/describe-professions.html

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: GIVING 103% AT WORK We have all been to those meetings […]

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 05:39:05 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger GIVING 103% AT WORK

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100% Here's to achieving 103%. Here's a little
math that might prove helpful in the future!
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
equals:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
But:
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
However:
B U L L * * * T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

Reference:- http://www.bullyonline.org/successunlimited/humour/jokes.htm

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Paramveer joined the group Laughing Tiger

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 07:15:33 +0000

Paramveer joined the group Laughing Tiger

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: e-mail one Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my […]

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 05:17:50 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger e-mail one
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
e-mail two
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

Reference:- http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/work/work013.htm

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small […]

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 05:48:46 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Reference:- http://withfriendship.com/jokes/manager/sitting-high.php

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: A physicist, a statistician and a marketing manager enter […]

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 06:12:01 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger A physicist, a statistician and a marketing manager enter into a Mensa IQ competition. They are given a stopwatch and an aneroid barometer and told to find out the height of the tower at No 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, in London.

First back is the statistician: Its 230 meters high, he says. How did you find out? he’s asked. Well, he says, I took the lift to the top and timed how long the journey took. I got the lift speed from the company who put it in. Then I climbed out of the service hatch and took the air pressure at the top and compared it to the air pressure at the bottom. 230 meters is the average from my calculations. Not bad said the judges.

Next back is the physicist. Its 235 meters high he says. How did you find out? he’s asked. Well, I took the air pressure at the base and after using the lift the air pressure at the top. Then I hurled the barometer from the top and timed how long it took to fall to the square below. I also timed how long the sound of its impact took to reach me. 235 meters is the average from these calculations. Not bad at all say the judges.

Last back is the Marketing Manager. Its 237.04 meters high, he says. Wow, say the judges. That’s spot on, how did you find out?

Well, I went up to the head doorman and said “Do you like my antique inlay and brass aneroid barometer and my stainless steel precision Swiss stopwatch” and he said “Yes, I do”, so I said “If you’ll find out the exact height of this building in the next 5 minutes, I’ll give them to you. OK?”

Reference:- http://www.marketingprofs.com/ea/qst_question.asp?qstID=10159

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly […]

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 05:53:29 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?”
The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.”
The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?”

The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

Reference:- http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/business-and-office-jokes/

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: […]

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 05:51:54 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Impress People-Technical Vocabulary

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Vice versa? Use Techno vocabulary. It can be called the “Buzzword” writing method. It is simple.
There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: “integrated modular capability“.
Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense to you; it won’t mean anything to anyone else either, but they’ll think you’re just smarter than they are so they won’t say anything!!!
You can propose “systemized reciprocal options” (929) to achieve “optimal transitional flexibility” (568), so that we can think of an “integrated monitored projection”, and then your boss will probably promote you or your customer will be blown away with your technological superiority…!!

Reference:- http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/business-and-office-jokes/page/2/

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience […]

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 10:51:45 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience with the Pope, and offered him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer' from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused the offer.

Two weeks later, the consultant offered the Pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the generous offer.

Another week later, the consultant offered the Pope 20 million dollars, and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope briefed his staff.

"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!''

reference- http://www.eszes.net/mktgjokes.htm

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: The 6th graders filed back into class Monday morning. They […]

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 06:55:00 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger The 6th graders filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off: “I sold Girl Scout cookies and made $30,” she said proudly. “My sales approach was to appeal to people’s civic spirit.”
“Very good, Mary,” said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: “I sold magazines and made $45,” she said. “I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.
Before long, it was Little Johnny’s turn.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.”$2,467,” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” replied Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes???” said the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that kind of money?”
“Simple,” said Little Johnny. “I found the busiest corner in town and set up a Chip & Dip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing: ‘Hey, this tastes like crap!’”
Then I would say, “It IS crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Reference:- http://zanyland.com/2010/10/08/jokes/people/little-johnny/little-johnny-the-toothbrush-salesman

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Marketing Dictionary Advanced design: The advertising […]

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 08:10:00 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Marketing Dictionary
Advanced design: The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
All new: Parts not interchangable with previous design.
Breakthrough: We finally figured out a way to sell it.
Broadcast quality: Gives a picture and produces noise.
Built to precision tolerances: We finally got it to fit together.
Customer service across the country: You can return it from most airports.
Designed simplicity: Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.
Distinctive: A different shape and color than the others.
Direct sales only: Factory had big argument with distributor.
Field-tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
Foolproof operation: No provision for adjustments.
Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.
Hand-crafted: Assembly machines operated without gloves on.
High accuracy: Unit on which all parts fit.
High reliability: We made it work long enough to ship it.
Years of development: We finally got one that works.
Improved: Didn't work the first time.
Latest aerospace technology: One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.
Meets all standards: Ours, not yours.
Microprocessor controlled: Does things we can't explain.
MIL-SPEC components: We got a good deal at a government auction.
New: Different color from previous design.
New generation: Old design failed, maybe this one will work.
Performance proven: Will operate through the warranty period.
Re-designed: Previous faults corrected, we hope.
Revolutionary: It's different from our competitors.
SMPTE bus compatible: When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.
Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.
Unprecedented performance: Nothing we ever had before worked this way.

Reference:- http://www.webmarketingezine.com/marketing-jokes/marketing-jokes4.shtml

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Office Memo Dear Staff, It is advised that you come to work […]

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 05:15:39 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Office Memo

Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound.
Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.

Reference:- http://www.jokesduniya.com/2087/office-memo/#more-2087

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: One day, Johnson went to see his supervisor in his office. […]

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 06:48:27 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger One day, Johnson went to see his supervisor in his office. "Boss," he said, "we're doing some heavy housecleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with moving and hauling stuff all day."
"Sorry, Johnson," the boss replied. "We're short-handed right now. I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," Johnson beamed. "I knew I could depend on you!"

Reference:- http://www.businessadministration.org/blog/business-jokes-and-workplace-humor

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Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger: Boss: “I can assure you that the value of the average […]

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 07:14:20 +0000

Nilam posted an update in the group Laughing Tiger Boss: “I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase.” Employee: “That’s because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?” Boss: “Right. Except for the ‘us’ part.”

Reference:- http://funislife.info/index.cfm?action=jokes.show&jokeCategory=Business%20Jokes&from_record=161

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